PARIS ANYONE ? I seem to have a very bad habit of getting in everybodys way.

So as i sit here defeated, with my head propped up on my knees (slightly surprised in my ripe age of 23 i can still kinda bend them up to my chin without a serious amount of discomfort) slightly in a daze of annoyance that i cant find my sketch book, where i would normally vent out anything if the mood strikes me (haven't seen it since a couple of days before Christmas when mummy decided to randomly move my room around for no reason (i've been busy since and poor old sketch book having done nothing to deserve the ill treatment is currently lost and alone somewhere in this very present filled room, thankyou again fat man aka santa)
So about an hour ago i got in a venting mood.... not because im particularly upset, in that case id normally go to my personal blog which i only ever vent in, if i looked back on it, its six years of crying and shouting about how unfair everything is, if i found even one post about a happy occasion, even id be surprised. Anyways, im not in a happy or sad mood i guess, a thoughtful one i suppose you could call it.

You see a major family event happened today, one ive been excited about for a few weeks now, however i guess it wasn't as happy for me as it was for every one else, for a couple of reasons, reason numero uno: im two weeks older than the girl wearing the fat handcrafted diamond ring and yet the average 14 ear old is closer to a proposal than i am, mainly because i dont want one right now, but thats besides the point. reason two: i wasn't actually informed of the occasion, i know i knew, but unlike my brothers i wasnt actually spoken to or acknowledged, this might not seem like a major offense, but tbh its actually what im most annoyed about.... i grew up in a house of nine, it was always separated into threes, the three big ones, ie me and two older brothers, the three boys, and the three little ones.... yet the oldest boy decided my two other brothers were deemed suitable enough to discuss his upcoming big plans with but....im not. which kinda brings me to my final reason, which is in two parts.
im unintentionally always getting in the way of things, to the point i annoy every human in my presence,
and im (not a black sheep) but misplaced... if thats even a thing.
like i dont belong or something.

i know thats a very 13 year old girl thing to think, but its how ive felt quite alot of my life.
like im not doing what im meant to be doing except.... i dont know what im meant to be doing.
Which is why i cant understand why everyone else seems to either know what theyre doing or be content not knowing what theyre doing !
I am normally the laid back one who has no bother with life, some thing you cant change, and of course ive always believed the grass looks greener on the other side, like myself im sure everyone has thoughts and demons and insecurities or whatever, but good god, how can they be like me and live how theyre living, how on earth can they all make it look so easy, i doubt i look like my grass is at all greener to any body nearby.

So thats kinda my vent (the pc version anyways) that wouldve been written, scribbled and drawn out in my sketch book, had i found the poor old thing. And at this point id be lighting up and be drifting off to other scribbles and thoughts and eventually land on contentment, a sore hand and probably some form of motivation? or new idea?

In this case im kinda pondering about Paris (yes my mind does flip that easily, scary) bear with me and ill explain. Im thinking about christmas and how im in everyones way, and how everyones home and seeming so much far better off and well together in comparison, then im thinking about my life and how this year was meant to be the best ever full of new experiences, new jobs and sights and people and travel, then i think of these things. and how i could perhaps rectify even some of this year before staring off my final year of education no better than i was half a year ago. then i think travel , and then back t christmas and several of my christmas presents. now its no surprise about 99 percent of my presents were books, but a seemingly unintentional theme was paris.
Below you'll notice some of the inspirational, pretty paris things that arrived in colourful wrapping paper this winter solstice.

reoccurring theme anyone?

is it madness or does anyone else think one of my next trips should be paris?
After all its many folks dream city (not mine but its interesting enough)
Its not overly far, im sure it not exactly a two week trip, or an overly expensive one, infact its likely i wouldnt even need a travelling buddy (which are few and far between, especially with my serious problem with annoying other human beings)

It was a setting for at least two books ive read recently (but then again where isnt, ive read so much recently) either way.... i think paris wouldnt do any harm, maybe itll clear my head, its not like im going anywhere else any time soon y the looks of things.

So again.... Paris anyone?

I am haunted by humans - The Book Thief

Be it the amazing book or the decent-ish movie adaption, which I've literally just finished watching for the third time (seriously the creed it's are still rolling, as is my big baby tears) damn you book thief, no matter how many times I read the book or watch the movie, no matter how many times I say, 'c'mon now Claire you know the words you know the ending, you will not cry this time' it doesn't matter. Damn it!
This must be the titanic or the notebook to other people, I don't and have never cried at a movie, until this stupid movie. Granted I'd tear up at 'an American tail' but honestly if you don't tear up at little phone vial crying hitting gay and thinking he'll never find his family,then you sit are actually more heartless than me, and that's hard to do.

So needless to say I thouroughly enjoyed the book thief  ( even though I'm extremely awkward and tend to instantly hate everything that is well liked) however it was a complete coincidental find in a charity book shop AGES ago, I vaguely remember seeing the name mentioned on one of those morning talk shows while I was debating how important it was for me to attend class. It was a battered old 20p book and I have to say although I can never say I love a book as a ten out of ten (because I'm ruined harsh and indesisive like that) this book was a massive surprise that did (unfortunately) make me blubber like a baby (predictable ending or not) so honestly, this is a CERY very very close contender as my favourite book of all time and to be honest it's An extremely short list, and very close call.

I don't care if you're 8 or 80, this book should be read. And let's ace it, how many books these days can you say that about.
It's interesting, different and above all powerful.

If you want to read a slow book that you will literally tear through in less than a day, go for not, once you start you will not stop, put school, the kids even the job on hold, read this book! And love it like me and apparently a lot of other people did.

I think what's so enjoyable is, you don't expect it to be enjoyable. Now if you can find a beat up old copy in a candiru shop that cost less than a packet of space invaders, im you will enjoy it even more, if jot, sure go buy a shiny new copy that you can proudly show as your favourite book, however I guarantee the amount of times you read it, it will end up looking like me beloved copy.

Go forth and read ! It's worth it for definite

The 100. Season one -review

Recently I posted a book review on the 100 book series (so far) and although It wasn't normally my thing, since I loved the books, how could I not now go and watch the tv series.... Well I've just finished season one and it's time for a review.

What in earth/arc was that all about?! Ok to begin with the tv series has decided to change not just back stories but add a few more (unnescary) characters in, although they used a lot of 'the 100' books themes, this show was like watching an entirely different story. For starters they figure out they aren't alone literally in the first episode (if I can remember correctly) Bellamy is way older and a bit of a jerk, he's kind of Bellamy mixed with graham from the books. Clarke isn't a nursing apprentice oh no, she just wings it and probably got the general jist of things due to her mum being a doc, like seriously they didn't even question her knowledge or anything, she was just automatically the fix it girl.
Octavia isn't fourteen nor was she in care from a young age and no she didn't do well, anything she was meant to from the hook. Not even wear the damned ribbon. Even the arc is different. I mean, where's the sky bridge?! If I'd read the book when it was popular and watched the show when it originally came out, I can definitely see how if be annoyed. Granted I don't wanna sound like the Harry potter fans that complain they leave too kick out, I understand time limits and all that. I mean come on it had a moderate budget and only 13 episodes but seriously guys, a sky bridge would've been doable. Tbh it doesn't give off the classes impression the book does and it certainly doesn't have any of the back flashes or significant rooms on the arc.
Apparently the tv show 100 were less shocked at all earths glorious new things (like rain) and far more equity (supplies wise) than the book 100 ever were.

Ik not saying this show isn't worth the watch. Far from it, after this review I'm off to watch the incomplete (for now) second season. It's a good show, less teeny bopper than other recent book to tv shows, the secret circle for example. But if you're watching the tv show to relive the book on screen, Don't. You'll be really disappointed. However if you'd like a fan fiction version of the entire book, go, watch, it's a decent wee show, albeit short, but worth it.

Ps. The series tends to happily just kill of vital characters (not as bad as game of thrones)
Pps if the show has actually killed off my favorite two vital characters, i may not forgive them.

Once upon a time.... Welcome back!

I don't know exactly where to begin, or what all to discuss, but gosh I deffinetly missed cheesy drama and old beloved classic (Disney) fairy tales!

The first thing I noticed in season fours opening episode ... Like all new seasons of any show, you should really have a little recap on the story up until this point before watching new episodes, I know it seems stupid and a waste of time but oh my god how I was lost and bewildered for the first ten minutes. So note to self for all new seasons this autumn, recap recap recap!

Another thought I had especially during the most beautiful sweeeeeeet first dance between my favourite character mr gold aka rupmplestlskin and miss belle, was .... How does copyright work with this show, I mean it has no affiliation with Disney as far as I know, and I'm aware that these are classic fairy takes and Disney has no actual copyright to the stories and all that, but the story of beauty and the beast didn't have a first dance or blue blazer or fat golden dress, I mean that's clearly disney, many props and scenes are clearly Disney remakes/inspirations, soooo (spoiler alert) I also thought this even so more nearer the end of this episode, frozen inspired obviously, yes disneys frozen was inspired by the snow queen but the entire plot and costumes are unbelievably Disney.... So. My question is, how far does copyright go into this show, either way I love my classic Disney twisted into modern day, live action awesomeness.

Oh and not to rant too much about Disney but the whole mr gold waving the magic rumple dagger over the mysterious star box in the mysterious house... I Spose it's going to tie into reginas 'find the creator' plot, buuuuut did the mini universe turning into a hat give anyone else the classic Mickey Mouse vibe??? Remember like fantasia Mickey, in the robe with the star hat.... Idk maybe I'm way to big a Disney but, and maybe I'm reading too much in too early on, but I wouldn't put it past them to have a Mickey creator, or Walt. Disney HAS to be an impact on this show to some degree.

Anyways I'm off to watch the next five available episodes, this should be fun.... Let me know what you guys thought of our very much missed once upon a time and I'll catch you all round the kid season finale .... Or finale , depending in how I eventful this season may be.

Over and out x

A brief thought on sexism in different generations

Sexism has been a big enough topic this last few weeks, especially after Emma watsons heforshe speech at the UN and all the big celeb supporters.
And I've been quite outspoken about my Feminist opinions, not because I'm the stereotypical butch, constantly angry feminist who never shaves because it's giving into men or whatever, because I'm not. And it's fine if you are BUT in this particular case I'm not.
Instead I am one of many children raised by a sole parent, a strong mother in fact. And although I suppose the world of feminism I'm probably never crossed her mind, but whether she knows it or not her ideals are very feminist, especially when she decided no I will not get married just because I love in ireland and I got in trouble (that obv didn't go down well) no I will not continue an unhappy marriage just because everyone else is, and no my daughters are no different from my sons.

Does that mean I am as strong as my brothers ? No, because I am female.
Am I as smart ? Maybe (depends which brothers I guess )
Do I deserve the same opportunities ? Of course. Why wouldn't i?
Do I deserve more or less than my brothers? Absolutely not! It's called equality for a reason.
If I want to play a sport, I'll play a sport, if my brothers need to cry, they need to cry. If someone hit me? Not good! If someone hit my brothers ? Also not good!

No difference, because we are all human, regardless of gender, colour or sexual preference.

When people hear the word feminist they all assume the openly mocked stereotype, and that needs to stop. However this isn't a feminist post, to be honest this is the views on equality from me in my generation, in comparison to say the 80's views.... Very vriefly hopefully because it's 3am and I can't sleep.


So I'm currently watching late night tv, meaning I'm watch big complete garbage, the best I could find to waste my temporary insomnia is the classic (which I've never seen) Saturday night fever.

This movie ! Oh my god, I'm sitting here alone on the sofa hoping to be lulled off to sleep by john travolta dancing his little heart out ago the best of the disco loving 80s .... Instead I'm kept even more awake by the little yet so obviously wrong stereotypes ! Or snide comments from the clearly ignorant.

Put it like this, if Saturday night fever was released now it would be a gritty low budget movie with cheap male cliches poking fun of every female in the movie.

I'm only 35 minutes in so maybe this is very pre mediated but seriously? How did the fathers of this generation turn out half normal if they were watching garbage like this as gospel on how to treat women?

I'm the girl who refuses to let any man or women pay my half of the bill but c'mon when it's thier treat I gush like school girl. I usually hold the door open but if a guy holds a door open for me, the butterfly's are in motion, so no I'm not overly man hating nor do I think the sun shines out of their arses, why? Because I am an intelligent woman of my generation. The smallest minority of us (who I don't think I've met) believe men bring home all the bacon and the women cooks and cleans 24/7, granted i have certainly met the polar opposites that have decided no men outside the bedroom and no children, ever, period.

Either way, in the last 35 minutes I have witnessed, the 80s

So far john travolta has treated a clingy girl like sort, no I don't mean he refused to go in a second date with her, I mean he left her on the dance floor, made a fuss of dancing with her, and openly mocked her infront if the lads (his mates)

He then did the same with another girl after she fawned over him, him and his friends openly said it was charity, and then again he just abandoned her on the dance floor.

He stared after every piece of ass (that's a guy thing tho)

He and his father had a massive argument how it was 'a woman's job' to clear the table. I'm sorry did you cook the food? Will you be cleaning those dishes? By the sounds of it he didn't even pay for it, but yes, don't clear the plate you ate off.

John travolta and his friends say outside the car and watched a friend ride a girl, no shame about it, in fact they said hurry up and who cares if she cums. Fine but then the friend riding the girl said 'what's your name again' you lads stay classy.

So to sum it up (cos it's reeeeeeally late and I'm starting to get tired) women are there for you n your friends personal amusement, they clearly always want to open their legs and get married to you cos you're a god apparently (when you lol like Chris. Hemsworth the god of thunder, we'll talk lol) your mother deserves no appreciation and your unemployed father knows everything, especially how his wife SHOULDNT work, Mmmhmmm.

I know this wasn't meant to be a sexist movie, and I'm sure in the 80s it was the norm and he was a massive catch. But in this day n age, with my generation, acting like an asshole like that past the age of 17 doesn't cut it boys.
Women will certainly not fawn over you with that attitude and they will definitely tell you where to go if you start mocking her in front of her friends, as far as I know that's unacceptable for any gender.

Assholes aren't attractive after your teens, so just cos that worked back at the old youth disco and apparently on Saturday night fever, i can guarantee it won't work now.

So a brief summery, don't be an asshole, it's jot longer attractive  and men should be allowed the same rights as women and visa versa.
I wouldn't want my brothers to be told they can't do something because it's not the manly thing, as much as I wouldn't want my sisters to ever be told they can't do something simply because it's not feminine .

**we just hit 65 minutes and he decided she was on nothing so she should just give him a blow job, what the actual fuck ??? John travolta come on lad.

To those people who still apparently live in the 80s and believe women clear the dishes and should open their legs to every man that shows some interest, I have a very angry feminist three worded phrase for your lovely selves, go fuck yourself.

Soooo to everyone else that would like their sons to have the same rights as their daughters and visa versa, the heforshe campaign is for both genders. So let's have it!

And ps, just because a woman wants to be treated equal in the work place (ie no better or less than you because of her lack of male appendage) doesn't mean she won't want to be treated like a girl outside, so come on guys we aren't asking for chivalry here, just the odd door open now n then, simple as. And for all of you that haven't seen Saturday night fever, oh my god, go laugh at the crap we don't get away with now !!!!

Deadlines make you wanna cry

Maybe not proper bawl your eyes out and get nothing done cry but it will definitely make you contemplate crawling into a hole and never coming out until the big bad deadlines go back to the horrible depths of hell that they came from.
I can actually feel the grey hairs appearing, everyone thats now past this stage is just laughing thinking me and any other stressed out person is over reacting....no, no we aren't.

Whilst you push through all your work that looked so fun you start thinking....i wonder how much (insert entry level with little promotion prospects job title here) get paid.
I could totally just hide under my duvet or live off the land.... then you realise this is the only thing you are actually qualified for and you need to pay your phone and internet bill at the end of the month, so you shut up and get on with it......then sleep for a week and pretend to the rest of the world that you are doing something else super important thats not sleep. for the record catch up sleep is one of the best sleeps ever, you most certainly appreciate it more.

Ill be honest, the catch up sleep weekend is whats keeping me going at this point, well that and a steady supply of sugar filled goodness.

Wish me and the other sleep deprived workers luck, and i hope all of you out there realise how happy you should be not to be in the middle of a deadline.

There should be a test or something to become a grown up

I feel like wendy in peter pan, i dont want to nor do i have any intention of growing up!

However the fact of life is we have to grow up.... it just doesnt say anywhere in the rules we have to be a grown up. 

Besides being a grown is so boring, i mean....when did it happen?! when did we become grown ups.

I was passing my old high school today and we were laughing about how my mother spent most mornings (and failed) tying to get me to get out of the car and go into school (i was a real treat at 15) 

and it dawned on me..... that wasnt a couple of years ago, infact im well on the wrong side of twenty for that to be a couple of years ago, and then you think.....crap when did i get old.

How did it get to the point guys my own age now work in my old school, dont get me wrong, i hang out with an older crowd....but these teachers are my age?!?! when did that even happen?!?! who let you become a teacher, you were in uni a couple of years ago?!?

Who let me grow up? infact its rather irresponsible to let me grow up, i make the worst grown up ever!!!!

You see i was ahead of myself when i was younger so i guess nobody noticed the adult acting child become an actual adult. seriously im now the person children think should know everything???

Im starting to look back on many grown ups in my life and think....you really didnt know what you were doing did you.

In a childs mind i as an adult (ie far taller than them) should know the answers, dont get me wrong, im not going to let on i dont know the answers, and so the great circle of never growing upness/not knowingness will continue.

The whole growing up thing got me thinking on what is age appropriate, nobody has ever told me aww youre too old for that...i might have lost interest in whatever is too young for me, but i certainly dont want to be told im too old for it! 

At this point even i understand that i sound like im going through a mid life crisis.

But c'mon everyone my age and older, have you ever stopped and thought 'oh god, when did i become responsible?' when did i become the authority figure (what irresponsible society put me in charge of anything) when did i get bills, regular post, pay taxes (actually i still dont because im still a student, but my paycheck does go through hm revenue so its basically the same thing) and be the person that says 'dont play with that ball in the house' ive said that token old person classic at least five times this week to my brother.

its sooooo sad!

I can still pass for under fifteen when i want to pay half price on public transport, i still get ID'd in pubs, but in reality....im 23! not just a little over 18 or 21 .... im quite a few years from the last big irresponsible birthday bash.

When i think of my responsibilities and life in general all i can think is... theres just gonna be more. the bills will grow, the time will decrease and legal dependents could appear, OH GAWD, im so not cut out for any of that. 

Im used to having the excuse 'oh shes only a kid' or 'youve loads of time for that' crap crap crap ive alot less time than i thought. 

It just makes you think, society did not train us for any of this, infact it encouraged us our whole lives not to prepare for any of it. last time i checked nobody at any point in my life taught me about taxes, balancing check books, the difference in banking accounts (just pick which atm card is the prettiest) 

There should be like a crash course in being a grown up, it should give you a big help manual and teach you weird stuff like how to fill out double paged forms and other stuff only grown ups know!!!

Its the same with kids, i mean i know alot about kids but thats because im one of the oldest of 9 kids, so i have alot of experience with babies. but i have no idea how other people are allowed to create life and then take it home with zero knowledge of what to do with it. 
You should at least have some sort of class that teaches you basic baby CPR or something.

When you turn 18/20 there should be a big test to see if youre ready for adulthood, and if you fail, extra grown up classes!
Maybe you guys think youre ready to be grown up? but can you honestly say everyone you know should be allowed to run about their day to day lives without supervision??? the world is full of kids in grown up bodies! quite scary actually

What are your thoughts on the whole being a grown up thing? should there be a test and if so what should be on it? and just to give you all extra proof i shouldnt be allowed to be a grown up and make my own big decisions, heres a few pics of me a couple of months ago ....in a onsie....and novelty slippers....in university.....presenting my oh so serious work to my fellow students. In my defense it was for charity and i raised quite alot of money, and i even got a friend to put her onesie on over her clothes so i wouldnt look AS ridiculous.
so for now im off to continue my stupid grown up life.

hello kitty- forever a kid

class today was like a zoo...or a very weird petshop

presentation time in slippers. gotta love uni