I hate nights like this, it's late, you're tired, you have to get up early for whatever reason and in a perfect world you would just drift off into that deep sleep you solely need and desire. BUT then there's that flooding thought that asks you what are you doing with your life?
What would you do if you die ?
What would your loved ones do?
What happens when you die?
I don't think too deeply on it normally, but I think I have a good deal of faith/religion, ignorance/bliss and down right not knowing so not caring to not be afraid.
Just because I'm not afraid doesn't mean I don't think, plan or wonder.
I'm not exactly asking the meaning to life. Just my own
Why am I here, what I should do, do I do the things I think, say or plan to do ?
Can I fix it, if I can't or don't it's a waste, then that's the sad and depressing part. But I try to avoid it. But my mind won't let me, so it continues thinking about the after life, like is there one ? Or is it nothingness ? I'm not afraid of nothingness but it seems quite boring if that's the case.
When I think after life I wonder if its like slipping into another life, a different land or world, would I remember me? My current life and loved ones? Probably not. Which makes me wonder if this is the next life. What if what I know as life is the after life, the next place?
Which brings me to the before life thought. Where was I before I was here ?
Did I exist ?
Will I exist after?
When I was about 14 my religion teacher told us a theory that I don't think anyone was actually listening too, in fact I don't think he was even listening to himself, but it stuck with me.
Cos let's face it, sometimes things just stick with you, and a lot of te time it's useless, itrelevent things nobody else remembers or even cares about at the time.
Anyways, his theory was supposed to frighten us and provoke thoughts, but to be honest I found it quiet comforting.
Wasn't exactly a damn you to hell theory.
To put it simply ....
Death is kinda like birth. like a baby, we live our lives in a bubble (whether we want to or not) we are afraid of the unknown and we don't know or think what could be next, we don't know when our times up, maybe someone else does, maybe someone else is waiting on is, but right now, in our bubble, we don't know or care.
Imagine telling an unborn baby about the world and life, imagine the disbelief and confusion....
That's basically what death is or could be.
Maybe there's someone waiting, maybe they know when it'll happen, maybe it's a world like this, one we can't fathom just yet.
Maybe that bright light everyone's on about is the next world we get born into.
Now I'm not saying I believe in reincarnation, or heaven made from clouds, there's a million things I don't believe but also, I don't disbelieve.
I'm just saying, I don't think this is the beginning or the end, my mind can't understand it right now, but I don't think I'm meant to either.
Many of you might find that confusing or even insulting due to your own beliefs, but each to their own. I won't be forcing myself to believe in down thing just because I've been told to, I will however listen, and make up my own mind.
Religions are all too similar to be coincidental, so there's plenty I believe religion wise (if anything, religion tends to be a good moral compass for me, be a good person etc)
Either way, I hate when I want to sleep and my mind thinks it's a good time to start thinking about the bigger picture.
To be honest, life, the before and the after isn't half as frightening as the during.
Realising how behind I am, or what could and couldn't happen, or what's ahead, it's all a bit too overwhelming and sometimes scary or depressing.
It can't just be me who has these stupid inner questions and theory's.
I'm not exactly an inquisitive person, I'm not looking to know all the answers, but human nature makes me think about them anyway.... At really annoying times when I should be sleeping!
So let me know what your theory's are, or if you've heard or like the theory my religion teacher told me many maaaaany years ago.
Do you agree?
Disagree?
Find it new and interesting?
These long nights full of overwhelming thoughts normally end in me thinking of all the things I regret or appreciate. Hopefully it'll be me appreciating my life and everything in it and quickly fall into a nightmare-less sleep, ready to greet the bright shiny and busy day with my sleep deprived mind. Anyways, that's my thoughts on the whole death thing.
Keep in mind it's just another journey, nobody gets out alive so there's no point in worrying.
Simply appreciate what you have and Goodnight! x
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